


Marigold

by Bearfeat



Series: Spectrum [12]
Category: Ghost (Swedish Band)
Genre: <3 Ghost Fans, Andsotheplotthickensss, Angry Barista, Champagne!, Coffee, Day drinking, F/M, Taxi Drivers, security guards - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-27
Updated: 2016-08-01
Packaged: 2018-07-27 05:01:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7604485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bearfeat/pseuds/Bearfeat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Ghost returns to Mexico, Omega is forced to stay behind. When he decides to travel ahead to an upcoming destination, he is lucky enough to run into someone familiar.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I heard Omega was having visa problems. Literal train of thought: 'how can I use that for my fan fiction?'

_As the plane landed in Mexico City, Omega turned his phone on again. He hadn’t slept. He had tried to, he really had tried to not think of anything, but in vain. He hadn’t slept much the last couple of days._

_It didn’t take long for his phone to light up. It was a text from Water, informing him they had arrived. Omega’s fingers hovered over it, trying to type a reply, trying to find some encouragements. He wanted to tell them ‘good luck’, ‘happy you’re there’ and ‘I’ll see you in Chicago!’, but he could only think of cynical laughter in the distance._

_With everyone gone, he fell into a repetitive cycle of getting up late, smoking, staring at his guitar case until he finally sighed and got it out, only to get on his bike to make just in time to the store before it closed. Then he would make something simple to eat, smoke some more and fall asleep very early in the morning. Until finally, on one of those mornings he decided there really was no point in staying in Sweden._

I realized, on my fourth day in Chicago, that I didn’t understand the city. That, if I’d get home ( _if_ ) I probably wouldn’t be able to give my friends a short description of what I had felt here. It had nothing to do with this place, though. I had felt out of touch with the world for quite some time now.

 

I’d gone traveling right after my boss at the newspaper had told me I wasn’t longer ‘needed’ and the music- and art magazine hadn’t called me to do an interview in two months. After my last shift at the bar that night, I had told the manager I wouldn’t come back. She seemed okay with it, which to be honest, I didn’t feel too great about either.

 

My cousin had an apartment in Chicago and in a rush of melancholia, I had taken a Greyhound there. The entire way I had listened to instrumental music, writing in a simple notebook. It wasn’t a diary, exactly. They were memories of mine, but told in a way that was more poetic than I remember. They were feelings I wish I had felt and imagined other people were feeling. It was my life, but better, probably. I noticed how out of touch I was when I realized, seeing the look on my cousin’s face when I reached her door, that she wasn’t too keen on having an unexpected guest.

‘Of course you can sleep on my couch,’ she had told me, ‘but you need to have a plan at the end of this week.’

 

‘That’s why I’m maybe thinking about hiking to Canada.’ I told the nosy lady in the bookstore, who wouldn’t leave me alone as I tried to shimmy out of the ‘travel’ isle.

‘Hiking there?’ she said, obviously judging me. ‘Have you ever walked long distances before? Have you got the right gear? Do you even know about places to sleep?’

Thinking about ways to reply, the realization that she was probably kind of right came to me. Yes, I had read Wild and I had seen Into the Wild, and now I was convinced I knew enough about hiking and traveling on my own long distance. I felt the last spark of joy wash away as I accepted my state of complete failure.

‘Just fuck off!’ I heard myself tell her, hitting a new low.

 

I shoved the book back onto the shelf and stormed out of the store, leaving a slightly shocked lady in that ‘travel’ isle. I didn’t stop until I came across a small coffee place.

I ordered a large coffee, black.

 

While the barista worked the coffee machine, I turned my back to her to show the city of Chicago my angry face through the window. There were too many people, and there weren’t enough. A man in a thick coat walked by. I wanted to curse at him. Who wears a thick coat in summer? A lady let her dog shit all over the pavement and didn’t clean it up. I wanted to stand in front of her and point the pile of shit out to her. A large, wide-shouldered man threw the bud of his cigarette on the ground, paying no attention to the garbage can just two feet away. I wanted to grab him by his fucking fake leather jack-

 

My heart sank. It _couldn’t_ be!

 

For the second time that hour, I stormed out of a building. The barista yelled at me, my coffee in her hand, but I ignored it. I saw the man go around the corner. I started to run, bumping into several people. Damnit, he was fast! When I had almost reached him, I started to get insecure. What if I was wrong?

I followed him carefully for another block, not revealing myself, until I was really sure. There was no doubt about it. The way he walked, the way he moved his head and arms… Now I just needed to think of a way to-

 

Without warning, he stopped, and I roughly bumped into him.

‘I’m so sorry, are you…’ Omega turned around, eyes worried. I couldn’t breathe.

‘Wow!’ he whispered. ‘What are you doing in Chicago?’

 

-

 

_Omega had gotten so used to touring that getting on and off a plane, checking in in a hotel and taking little time to get freshened up were almost a routine now. He had nearly sprinted outside to take a firm walk through the city, yawning and stretching to wake himself up. He had slept the entire nine hours on the plane. Omega felt better than he had in a long time._

_Suddenly, many blocks away, he realized his wallet was still in his other pants. A little agitated, he stopped. Someone bumped into him so quickly they must have been walking right behind him._

_‘I’m so sorry!’ Omega apologized hastily. ‘Are you…’ the young woman behind him looked very familiar, and it took him a second to place her, especially here, in this city. It wasn’t too long ago that he had shared an amazing night with her, and then an amazing day, both of which existed more as a satisfying blur in his mind than as a coherent memory._

_A smile of joy broke over his face. ‘Wow’ he exclaimed, hoarsely. He saw the slightest shadow of a smile dance over hers, but her eyes, framed by thick, black eyeliner, didn’t smile along._

_‘What are you doing in Chicago?’_

_‘I have been asking myself that.’ She said, in that dry way he remembered. Then, as he witnessed some coldness disappear from her face, she stepped closer and wrapped her arms around him. The hug was tighter than he expected._

 

We had walked back to the coffee place, where I had tried to explain to the barista what had happened. She looked slightly pissed, and I was surprised I found a little humor in the situation. Omega ordered a large coffee, black.

 

We sat opposite of each other. I looked down. A small ring of golden foam had formed on my coffee. The sweet voice of Omega called my name. I looked up into his beautiful dark blue eyes, shaped like crescents, because he was smiling at me. My heart missed a beat when a large hand landed on mine. He brought my fingers to his lips. Goddamn.

 

‘I missed you.’ I said before I realized how true that was. He grinned at me.

‘Are you okay, kid?’ he asked me.

Again, I didn’t know what to answer to that.

‘Not really.’ I finally said. ‘I have no idea what I’m doing. I quit my jobs. I left home without telling anyone.’

‘Jobs? Plural?’ Omega’s kind eyes sparkled a little. It made me feel slightly better.

‘I feel silly.’ I said.

‘No, you’re not silly. I think you know that.’ He gently rubbed my hand with his thumb. ‘Staying in one place, both physically and… professionally maybe,’ he winked at me, ‘it’ll get to you. Plus, you’re young. You obviously weren’t feeling fulfilled at your jobs. All twenty-four of them.’ His hands were warm.

‘It’s true.’ I said. ‘And then I just dropped everything. I wanted to hike to Canada.’

‘Why wouldn’t you hike to fucking Canada?’

‘I…’ I shrugged. ‘I don’t have the equipment. I have no experience walking long distance.’

‘How can you have experience in hiking to Canada if you’ve never hiked to Canada before?’

‘We’re putting a little too much emphasis on me wanting to hike to Canada, here.’ I grinned at how natural our banter flowed.

 

‘So, how’ve you been?’ For a split second, Omega’s smile dropped, but he quickly recovered. ‘I’m… I’m good.’ He said, nodding his head, putting his smile back on. Then he sighed.

‘Actually…’ he hung his shoulders a little. ‘Actually I’m a little fucked up as well. But you know…’ he shrugged it off.

‘No, you can tell me!’ I said. He looked around the coffee place.

‘I know.’ He said. ‘You’re probably one of the few people who would understand.’ He squeezed my hand a little, before finding my eyes again. ‘I think I’m a little too sober for that talk, though.’

I looked at my watch rather theatrically. ‘I got about… a hundred hours to spare.’

Omega grinned.

‘There’s a cocktail bar over there.’ I gestured to a place across the street. He turned to look, then turned back to me, eyes wide.

‘Oh, you’re serious? Then, let’s go to my hotel. I haven’t got my wallet.’


	2. Chapter 2

_‘You haven’t talked to me in days.’_

_Omega hung his head, letting the soft-spoken words of the man, standing in front of him, die between them._

_‘I don’t know what to do.’ He finally answered. It probably voiced the doubts they were both having._

_‘What do you mean?’ the other said. ‘About Papa? Or about us?’_

_Omega looked up at him from his seated position on the bed. The other was not much more than a shady silhouette on his doorstep, a voice, the reflection of a dull light in two wet, green eyes._

‘So, there are no visa problems?’ I asked him. The ghoul sat in front of his hotel bed, head tilted back and resting on a pillow. His booted legs spread wide on the carpet.

Er… well, no.’ he answered. He held out his empty glass. I stood up to fetch the champagne.

‘I needed to get away from both of them for a while.’

 

I filled his glass, and then I poured myself some more.

‘Tell me, Omega…’ I took my place opposite of him, placing the soles of my bare feet against the soles of his boots. ‘Do you want to be with him? Do you even want to be with either of them?’

He lifted his head to look at me. For a couple of seconds I fell into the deep, blue sea that were his eyes, before he looked down at his hands.

‘I don’t even know if they actually want me.’ He said in a meek voice.

 

‘What? How so? Like, Papa talks about you all the time!’ I blurted out, and I immediately cursed myself. Way to go on subtlety, I thought.

‘What do you mean all the time?’

I sighed. ‘I mean the last time he came to visit me. I didn’t really get what he wanted from me, but he got me pretty drunk and kind of pushed me… to tell him things you and I have talked about.’ I trotted lightly. I didn’t want to say anything to upset him. And I wasn’t sure how okay he was with me and Papa talking about him.

 

‘Like what?’ he said.

‘He thought I knew why you came with him to my place that time.’ He looked up. ‘He thought you and I had talked about it, later.’

Omega nodded. ‘And what did you say?’

I crossed my legs under me. I looked down at his hands. I noticed the pink skin of a freshly healed wound on his knuckles. ‘I’m sorry, I was drunk.’ I mumbled.

‘What did you say?’ his voice sounded a little sharper now. I couldn’t look him in the eye.

‘I told him you love him.’

 

‘Oh.’

Oh? When I finally looked up, there was no expression of anger on his face. He was just… calm.

‘Is that bad?’

‘No, it’s just… I don’t know if I ever wanted to tell him that.’ Omega said. ‘He’s not staying, you know?’

I nodded, but then I shook my head. ‘He’s not staying? What do you mean?’

‘Because of the succession.’ Omega answered plainly. I looked at him a little confused. When he saw this, he leaned towards me. ‘You _do_ know about the succession?’

‘Yes.’ I squealed. ‘The succession…’ I took a deep breath. ‘I…I guess I never thought of it concerning Papa… you know, _this_ one.’ I chugged my champagne. ‘I’m a fucking IDIOT!’ I yelled.

‘No, you’re not.’ Omega grinned. His head fell back against the bed.

 

A little lightheaded, I got up on my knees. I shuffled between his legs, toward him, until I got close to his face.

‘There’s something I can’t wrap my head around.’ I whispered. ‘I’m not sure you can tell me, though.’

Omega’s eyes calmly looked from my right to my left eye, and back. When he inhaled, his chest touched the hand in which I was holding my champagne.

‘You’re talking about two men, Papa, and the one wearing the mask. Two, distinct men. The one you love…’ he still looked composed as I hovered over him, ‘and the one with whom shit is very fucking complicated.’

‘That’s an excellent way of summing things up.’ He said, but it wasn’t enough.

‘ _How_?’ I said. ‘How does that work? How can this man possibly be two people?’

 

There was no irony in his voice, when he said: ‘I think you already know.’

‘Is he…possessed?’ I slightly tilted my head. ‘By… by the…’ it would sound so ridiculous, actually saying it. Omega looked at me, a joyless, crooked smile appeared on his face.

‘By the devil? No it’s not like that. Not really, actually.’ He grinned.

‘Let’s sit down.’ He said, patting the bed. ‘And give me some air, woman.’

 

As I arranged the pillows against the headrest, Omega took off his shoes and sat down next to me. Within the second, though, he stood back up to get our drinks.

‘Here.’ He said, handing me a glass I’m sure was his. ‘Lubrication is key.’ I snorted and he let out a short, genuine laugh. ‘Indeed, it is.’ I mumbled, taking a sip.

 

‘It’s the mask.’ Omega continued. ‘There is some sort of magic to it I don’t completely understand, but that is what transforms him. That is what makes him the Papa.’

‘Magic…’ I said.

‘Here’s how I see it.’ He said. ‘When he puts on the mask, Papa takes over. He is still in there, but he isn’t in charge anymore. It takes some sort of ultimate trust in the Clergy.’

‘The Clergy…’ I said.

‘Papa uses his body, his voice. The accent is Papa, the vocal chords, those are his. Sometimes…’ Omega paused for a second. ‘Sometimes he would put on Papa’s accent, just to fuck with us.’ He fell silent.

After a moment, I heard myself take a deep breath. ‘Are you saying… are you saying he _consciously experiences_ everything Papa does?’

‘The guy has been living in like a great, virtual reality porno movie, if that is what you mean.’ Omega answered, wording my un-asked question.

‘Yeah.’ I said. ‘That was what I was getting at.’

 

We sat in silence for a while, and I felt the warmth of his body against me.

‘Are you an actual ghoul?’ I blurted out. He turned to me, surprised.

‘Do I look like a ghoul to you?’ he said. I looked him up and down.

‘No.’ I said. ‘You look like a Norse demigod. Wait… _are_ you a Norse demigod?’

Omega laughed hard.

‘What? I don’t know what is real anymore!’ I yelled dramatically at him.

‘Okay, I missed you too.’ he said, and he wrapped his warm arms around me as I tried to remember when it was I told him I missed him. The memory of a coffee bar popped into my mind. It felt like days ago, not the few hours it had only been. My train of thought was disturbed by the feeling of Omega nuzzling and kissing the top of my head.

 

He moved his hand under my chin and tilted my head, so he could press his warm, soft lips against mine. It sent a nice, sizzling feeling through my body and I moaned as our kiss deepened. Nothing tasted like he did. As his hand slid down my body, I roughly worked my fingers in his hair, fire welling up inside me. Before I knew it, his hand had disappeared in my pants and he was stroking and massaging me and I was clinging to him, like he was the only thing in the world to keep me from drowning in myself further-

 

‘Wait!’ I said, snapping my eyes open. ‘Stop!’

He quickly pulled away.

‘I’m sorry-’ he started, and the fright in his eyes almost broke my heart.

‘No! No, I’m fine! It’s just…are you sure this is what you want? The way you left things with… your friend?’

Omega looked puzzled. I decided that if he didn’t care about such things, I would.

‘You and Papa aren’t exclusive, because, well, that’s just not his nature. But you haven’t even talked to… to _him_.’ I took his hand from my lap and he looked at me with those big eyes.

‘Don’t get me wrong,’ I said, as I brought his hand to my face and wrapped my lips around his index finger, ‘I really want you. I want you so bad right now.’ I tasted myself on his middle finger. ‘I just don't want you to get in an even more fucked-up situation.’ My lips touched the large silver ring on his ring fingers as I sweetly sucked on it. Omega’s heavy breath brushed my face. ‘I think you should talk to him.’

 

‘What do I say?’ it almost sounded like he begged me for an answer.

‘Well…’ I had to concentrate real hard to ignore my throbbing underbelly, ‘If you want him, you tell him that you want him. If you don’t, you tell him that you don’t. I think it is pretty clear that he has feelings for you. He could have gone about it differently, yes, but things happened. The ball is in your court now.’

‘And if I don’t know what it is I want?’

‘I think you do already know what that is,’ I said, only half-intentionally echoing his words from earlier. ‘And if not, there is this third option: you will hike with me to Canada.’

 

I watched how slowly but surely, his eyes were taking on the shape of crescents.


	3. Chapter 3

‘Omega? Dear?’

‘Hm?’ the ghoul was leaning out the window, overlooking the scarce view of the city at night. He put the cigarette between his lips, and inhaled for a good couple of seconds.

‘It says here you are playing a show tonight.’ I checked the time on his laptop. ‘Right now, actually.’

Omega didn’t answer me, he just slowly finished his cigarette. The smoke blew past the window, and settled in my nostrils.

‘How many shows were you planning on missing?’ I asked him, watching him letting the bud fall from between his fingers. He watched it go down all the way.

‘Were you planning on attending tonight?’

He turned around.

‘Why are you here, Omega?’ I asked him.

 

‘It’s the first step.’ He said, with that soft voice of his. ‘The first step to eventually face him.’ he lit another one. ‘To talk to him.’

I put the laptop aside.

‘May I have one of those?’ I asked, taking my place next to him. His hand disappeared inside his jacket, and he pulled out a single cigarette. I held his gaze as I wrapped my lips around the bud. He lit it for me.

‘You don’t know him. The actual guy, I mean. He is one of my oldest friends.’ A little smoke brushed my face as he exhaled.

‘Why do you think he did the thing he did?’ I wondered. The large frame of the man beside me shifted.

‘Because…’ he took a large breath and started the sentence again. ‘Because had he been subtle about it…I wouldn’t have… I wouldn’t have…’ he crossed his arms on the window frame, resting his head on them.

‘Noticed?’ I asked. He shook his head.

‘Responded?’ I tried again. This time, he remained silent. He only sucked in more smoke.

 

‘Why?’

He sighed. ‘It’s complicated. Love is, I mean.’ He turned his head to look at me, resting his cheek on his arms. ‘Love is complicated.’

I smiled, but inside it felt ironic. ‘Tell me about it.’ I said.

‘The next step…’ I mumbled. It was a long time since I had smoked and it made me feel a little dizzy. Again, Omega had finished his cigarette and dropped it, watching it fall and fall and disappear in the darkness. I wondered if he imagined it hitting the ground.

 

‘Do you remember that morning, when you woke up at my place?’ I said. I stepped a little closer to him and in a reflex he stopped leaning on the window, standing up a little straighter.

‘Yes, of course.’

‘Do you remember how it was storming outside? The rain hitting the window so hard we woke up to an orchestra of weather?’

I stepped a little closer to him, looking up into his eyes, adamantly holding his gaze. I took his hand and held it against my chest, where my heart danced at the memory and the piercing blue in front of me.

‘Can you feel my heartbeat?’ I whispered.

 

I took that memory, because it was the one that had managed to make me feel better the last couple of weeks. A faint light in the harbor.

 

‘If it were easy,’ I said, ‘it wouldn’t be worth it.’

With agonizing slowness, Omega nodded his head.

 

-

 

We had stormed out of the hotel and hauled a taxi and Omega held my hand for the entire ride. He was nervously stomping his foot. We exchanged a series of short, skittish looks as the yellow smears of streetlight rushed over our faces.

‘Do you think they will stick around long?’ I asked, looking at my watch. I estimated the show was over by now.

‘It depends. It is different every time.’

 

The taxi stopped in front of the concert hall and Omega sprinted inside, while I quickly sorted out just enough money for the driver. I wanted to run after Omega, but he came sprinting out again.

‘Merch stand is gone.’ He heaved. ‘Let’s go round the back, see if the tour bus is still there.’

There was a parking lot and to our relief, we could see the bus in the distance. A small group of fans tried to push to the bus, but they were held back by a security guard.

‘Time to go home!’ we heard him say as we were closing in. ‘It’s over, people!’

Suddenly, there was a collective gasp as some of them noticed us.

‘Is that… is that _Omega_?’ I heard a young man say softly.

‘Omega?’ some more people started to whisper and mumble his name. I thought that maybe they would scream or lunge at him, but he straightened his back and broadened his shoulders and the small group seemed to shrink.

I had never seen him take on this role in person. His face stood kind, and he had taken on a measured smile as we hurried past the group, but his eyes sent a clear message: leave me be.

‘You can’t go there!’ the guard stopped me. Omega turned around, but I waved him on.

‘Go!’ I said. ‘Just go!’

 

I saw a last glimpse of insecurity in his eyes before he headed for the bus again.

‘Are you really back?’ one of the fans suddenly yelled. My heart sank as I saw him freeze halfway. We all turned to look at the troublemaker. Then, all eyes went to Omega, who had turned as if to say something.

 

‘Are you?’ a new voice, filled with authority, echoed over the parking lot. The ghoul snapped back around. It took me a while to place the voice, when a girl standing next to me clamped her hand around my arm and pinched hard. A stirring filled the small group around me as we witnessed a silhouette step from the bus. I’d know that silhouette anywhere.

 

Omega got smaller and smaller as he walked away from us, and towards the silhouette. My eyes didn’t adjust well in the darkness, but the one thing I could clearly see was how the smaller man looked up at Omega, as the ghoul took the man’s hand and placed it over his heart.


	4. Chapter 4

_The bus was just about to leave, when they heard some sort of disturbance outside. He didn’t think much of it, until he heard someone call a name._ That _name. When he looked around, he noticed both Water and Air had heard it too._

_‘They’re just speculating about where he is, probably…’ Water tried._

_‘Are you really back?’ a voice outside called. The three of them stood up at the same time. When he stuck his head out the door a pang of adrenaline rushed through his body at what he saw._

_Aether was standing in the parking lot, his back turned to him._

_‘Are you?’ he called. His voice almost roared in the empty space._

_Slowly, the ghoul turned to him. He stepped outside and waited for the other to close the distance. With every step Aether took, his heart started pounding a little harder._

_About twenty different things to say to the ghoul ran through his head, half of which were words of anger, the other pleas for him to stay, but when he finally stopped in front of him, he fell silent. His oldest friend stood in front of him, towering over him. Lower lip shivering._

_‘I am really scared.’ The larger man finally whispered. He carefully reached out for the other man’s hand. He couldn’t protest, because he couldn’t move on his own for some reason. ‘And I’m sorry.’ Aether continued. He pressed the hand gently against his own chest._

_‘But this is how I feel.’ He took a faltering breath._

_Under his hand, the ghoul’s chest was rising and falling raggedly, and below that, he felt a heartbeat clearer than the beat of a bass drum._

_‘I’m not scared.’ His eyes traced upwards, to the wet, blue eyes. ‘And I wanted to be not-scared for the both of us.’ He paused, but the other had nothing to say. ‘I tried to tell you that.’_

_‘Please.’ The ghoul begged._

_‘You were fully right to be upset about what I did.’ The man cut him off. ‘I… that was a terrible miscalculation. I am truly sorry for upsetting you so.’ A single, silent tear rolled down his cheek. ‘I should be begging you for forgiveness, not the other way around.’_

_Aether squeezed his hand hard against the up-tempo beat in his chest. ‘I should have talked to you way sooner, way before all that shit went down.’ He moved from one feet to another, nervously. ‘I should have talked to you before Papa and I…’_

_‘I only want to know if you are not confusing me with him.’ the other said, when Aether didn’t finish his sentence. ‘I want to make sure it is_ me _you’re seeing when you’re looking at_ me.’

_The ghoul looked down, away from the accusing eyes. He had pondered this too. He had asked himself many times how twisted it would be to only love a mask._

_‘If anything, I only think I started things with Papa because of you.’ he finally said. ‘But that’s…’ he sighed deeply. ‘That’s… really fucking scary.’_

_The man looked at the silver rings on the hand still holding his. ‘Aether, is this your way of telling me you love me?’ he whispered. The other looked up, but he didn’t have to word an answer: the man felt the ghoul’s breath hitch in his chest and the rhythm of the bass drum fasten._

 

 

With me, an entire group of fans waited while the men talked in the distance. We tried, but we couldn’t catch anything they said. The hand of the shorter man was still resting on Omega’s chest. The nails of the girl standing beside me dove deeper into my arm as we watched.

‘I said,’ the guard cleared his throat, ‘It’s over! Time to go!’ he waved his arms and the group slowly shuffled backwards, no more than a few steps. The man sighed. Suddenly, two or three people started to cheer gingery. This time, even the guard turned around.

 

Omega’s larger shadow had moved over the other and it took me a while to notice that that, in fact, was a kiss. I wondered which words were exchanged between them. While I felt how the people around me were mumbling or cheering, all sound disappeared inside my head. I watched as the kiss turned out to be a successful endeavor: the two shadows were completely merged now, a single shape in the distance. I swallowed hard, as it reminded me of the first kiss I had witnessed between Omega and Emeritus.

 

‘Are you crying?’ the girl shrieked at me, jerking me back to reality.

‘No.’ I said. It came out as a sob. Huh. Only then I noticed the hot tears rolling down my face.

‘Are you okay?’ she finally let go of my arm, and petted it softly.

‘This is actually the happiest I’ve been in a long time.’ I cried, because I helped. Because I had tried to make someone feel better, some problems were being resolved. Some of the things in my life made sense at this moment.

‘I know, right! I’ve been shipping them since _forever_.’ She blurted and she took out her phone. ‘This is going on my tumblr!’

‘What the fuck is wrong with you!’ my joy turned into anger as I snatched the device from her paws. I just wanted to prevent her from taking pictures, but my fingers trembled and the phone fell to the ground and broke. She shrieked even harder.

 

‘Alright, that’s a camera!’ the guard yelled. ‘Y’all know what that means!’ he started to push the group back again, succeeding this time.

‘She broke it! She broke my phone!’ the girl pointed at me and I slightly panicked, because it was never my intention to do that. Help, however, came from an unexpected angle. The entire group of fans dove on top of her verbally.

 

‘How _dare_ you breach their anonymity?’

‘They wish to be private for a _reason_!’

‘We actually saw them IRL. We saw them, _right there_!’

‘You have _no_ respect…’

 

The guard drove us back to the exit of the parking lot.

‘Wait…’ I said. I looked back at the bus. The shadows had disappeared. I could just see how the door slowly closed.

‘I need to…’ the guard and the group pulled me along and I couldn’t stop it. ‘You saw me!’ I yelled at the guard. ‘You saw me with him! I need to say goodbye!’

The guard was unrelenting and didn’t let me pass.

‘Keep walking, ma’am.’ He was untouched by the tears that were welling up in my eyes again. We rounded the corner and there, he stood still. Because there was nothing to see anymore, the group slowly evaporated.

The girl who’s phone I broke was being dragged along by her angry friends. When she looked back at me her eyes shot fire bolts, but she didn’t say anything.

 

‘Please.’ I begged the guard, but he shook his head.

 

Everyone looked up when we heard engines revving. All the warmth disappeared from my heart as the sound of the tour bus leaving faded out in the distance. The last few fans gave me strange looks as I sunk to my knees.

‘I’m sorry, sweetheart.’ The guard petted me on the shoulder. ‘I’m sure the band will play in Chicago again.’ He walked back into the building.

 

I sobbed and leaned back against the wall, the sounds of traffic canceling out my small cries. Breathe, I told myself after a while. I felt hurt. Not an hour ago, I was in the warm embrace of someone who, at fleeting moments, felt like one of my truest friends. I was happy for him. I was also utterly alone now.

 

Alright then, I thought, wiping my eyes. Let’s decide that this day is just a good memory. A good memory of the first day of my hiking trip to Canada. I got up. Why wouldn’t I hike to fucking Canada? Why the fuck would I not? I kicked something I thought was loose, but it turned out to be a bike rack bolted to the ground. I cursed loud, but when I turned around, my mouth fell open. A few feet away from me, the tour bus silently came to a halt. They had never left.

 

The door opened and Omega stepped out. He looked completely different from the man nervously squeezing my hand in that taxi twenty minutes ago. He walked over to me, seeming so light he could easily float away on the wind.

‘You’re crying? You didn’t think I would leave without saying goodbye, did you?’ he tightly wrapped his big arms around me.

‘Yes I did!’ I started sobbing again against his shoulder. ‘I’m sorry.’ I said. ‘This is unnecessary. I’m just… just letting out a lot of feelings that don’t even apply to this particular situation.’ A giggle welled up in my throat, but because I was crying, it came out very weird.

 

‘Fuck.’ I pressed my sleeves against my eyes and took a deep breath.

‘I’m okay.’ I said. ‘I’m okay now.’

‘I wanted to thank you…’ he started. His voice was soft. I nodded.

‘I wanted to thank you, too.’

We stared at each other in silence as I was trying to get my breathing under control.

‘It has been great, running into you today.’ I whispered. ‘Truly. I am so glad that it happened. It was… so good to see you again.’

‘What will you do?’ the words were soft, and sounded almost apologetic.

‘Canada.’ I put on a brave face. ‘I am going to try it.’

The ghoul brushed my cheek with the back of his hand. Maybe it was meant to dry a tear. My skin simmered in the sudden warmth.

 

‘I might have another option for you.’ Out of the bus stepped a man I knew and didn’t, a slender frame I could literally dream, but a person who was completely new to me. It was _him_. As he took his place next to Omega, the shadow disappeared from his countenance and I saw the refined features of his face. Eyes I thought I knew so well, only this time they were both green.

‘Another option?’ confused, I shuddered.

 

The ghoul looked down at him, practically glowing in his presence, and the smaller man quickly glanced up before turning to me again. ‘You should come with us.’

Silence.

‘You should say no if you don’t want to, of course. But it seemed cruel leaving you here. We have one more show before we take some time off touring. Travel there with us, then see what you want to do.’

The voice was unmistakably the same voice as the one I knew, only not as deep. There was no accent, only the slightest hint at a Swedish heritage. Suddenly, I absolutely believed that it must have been magic that transformed this man into a satanic pope.

 

I looked from him to Omega. I couldn’t read anything on his face.

‘Really?’ I took a deep breath. ‘Is that… is that really ok? I mean… can I …a-are we… how… how will we…are you sure?’

‘Look- we all have a little soul-searching to do, don’t we?’ he grabbed Omega’s arm. ‘Some… shit to figure out. One show.’ He said, giving me a piercing look. Then his features softened a little when he said: ‘Please.’ A glimpse of charm I definitely recognized shone through.

My eyes sought Omega’s again. Slowly, a warm smile broke over his face.

‘Ok, I’ll come with you.’ I said to the other man in front of me. He nodded approvingly and stuck out his hand.

‘I have... seen you before, of course.’ He said, a dark grin dancing over his face. ‘But it’s a pleasure meeting you in real life.’

I looked down at his hand, wondering what I had gotten myself into now. Then I grasped it firmly and shook it, banning all nervousness out of my body. When I looked up again, I almost felt like my old self. _I told you she’s not easily startled_ Papa’s voice rang in my head.

 

‘The pleasure is mine.’ 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PWEW that was a bumpy chapter to write! I'm gonna take a gigantic nap now, and hopefuly *actual* Omega will return soon, beacause it is way easier to just write porn.
> 
> (I'm only kind of kidding, really hope he is okay.)


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